Recently, a man in my community passed away, and since I heard the news, I have found myself thinking deeply about life, relationships, forgiveness, kindness, and the things we often postpone because we assume we will always have another opportunity.
He was an intelligent man—educated, knowledgeable, and remarkably articulate. Anyone who spoke with him could quickly notice how well he expressed himself and how much knowledge he possessed, but despite his intelligence and accomplishments, his life seemed increasingly disconnected from the people around him.
He hardly related with his kindred or neighbours, family meetings held little interest for him, and community activities rarely saw his participation. Very few people visited his home apart from a handful of colleagues from work, and over time, the distance between him and the people around him appeared to become normal.
Recently, a man in my community passed away, and since I heard the news, I have found myself thinking deeply about life, relationships, forgiveness, kindness, and the things we often postpone because we assume we will always have another opportunity.
He was an intelligent man—educated, knowledgeable, and remarkably articulate. Anyone who spoke with him could quickly notice how well he expressed himself and how much knowledge he possessed, but despite his intelligence and accomplishments, his life seemed increasingly disconnected from the people around him.
He hardly related with his kindred or neighbours, family meetings held little interest for him, and community activities rarely saw his participation. Very few people visited his home apart from a handful of colleagues from work, and over time, the distance between him and the people around him appeared to become normal.
People also knew him as someone who became irritated easily, and a simple disagreement could sometimes result in someone being asked to leave his house. Whether he believed he had valid reasons for his reactions or not, the result was that, over the years, walls were gradually built between him and other people, until many simply stopped coming.
Then came the heartbreaking news that he had died.
What made the situation even more painful was the fact that many people had seen him outside the previous evening, completely unaware that they were seeing him alive for the last time. No one said goodbye.
No one knew that it was the last conversation, the last sight of him, or the last ordinary moment they would ever have.
According to his wife, he went outside during the night to relieve himself, and as he returned to the house, he slipped and fell. His wife tried desperately to help him, but she could not lift him, so she ran out to seek assistance. Someone responded that he was coming, but for reasons no one can fully explain, he never arrived.
The man remained on the ground throughout the night.
It was not until early the next morning, when his wife's cries filled the neighbourhood, that people gathered and discovered what had happened. Sadly, by then, he had already passed away.
And that was it. A life had ended.
A man who had plans, opinions, knowledge, relationships, frustrations, dreams, disappointments, and perhaps many things he intended to do later was suddenly gone.
His story made me ask a difficult question: What if we knew that we had less time than we thought? Would we still live the same way?
When Death Reminded Me of My Mother
As I reflected on what happened, my thoughts went back to the morning my own mother died.
That morning taught me something that death has continued to remind me of: when someone you genuinely love is gone, distance suddenly becomes insignificant.
One of my brothers immediately boarded a bus from Abuja, while another travelled from Enugu without hesitation. Relatives and friends came from different places because, when someone you love is fighting for life or has already left this world, the things that previously seemed inconvenient suddenly become unimportant.
Nobody was calculating the distance.
Nobody was asking whether the journey was stressful.
Nobody was saying, “I will come when it is more convenient.”
Love makes sacrifices. Relationships matter. People matter.
That experience reminded me of something we often forget: no matter how independent we think we are, God never designed human beings to live completely isolated lives.
We need one another.
And whether we like it or not, there will be moments in life when our strength will not be enough, our knowledge will not be enough, our money will not be enough, and our independence will not be enough; we will need someone to stand beside us, lift us when we fall, pray for us when we are weak, encourage us when we are discouraged, and simply be present when words are no longer necessary.
God Created Us for Relationship
From the beginning, God made His intention clear “It is not good that the man should be alone.” (Genesis 2:18)
Although this verse directly speaks about the creation of a suitable companion for Adam, it also reveals something important about God's design for humanity: we were not created to live without meaningful relationships.
Ecclesiastes 4:9–10 says: “Two are better than one... For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.”»
Those words become painfully significant when we think about what happened to this man.
Life has a way of reminding us that there are moments when everyone needs someone.
We may enjoy our privacy, value our independence, and prefer handling things by ourselves, but there are seasons when we need someone who will notice that something is wrong, someone who will check on us, someone who will knock on our door, someone who will answer when we call, and someone who will come running when we need help.
We need people, and people need us.
This is why we should not treat relationships as unnecessary burdens or assume that we can live without community simply because we have learned how to survive alone.
Being independent is not the same as being disconnected.
Having boundaries is not the same as rejecting people.
Protecting your peace is not the same as building a prison around your heart.
The Quiet Danger of Unforgiveness
One of the greatest lessons this experience has impressed upon my heart is the importance of forgiveness.
There are people walking around today carrying wounds that have become so familiar that they no longer realize how heavy those wounds have become.
Someone hurt them years ago, and they are still angry.
Someone betrayed them, and they have never recovered emotionally.
Someone disappointed them, and they decided never to trust again.
Someone offended them, and they allowed the offence to become part of their identity.
But unforgiveness has a dangerous way of becoming a prison that the wounded person continues to live in while the person who caused the wound may have moved on completely.
Sometimes healing begins when we stop carrying every wound, offence, disappointment, and rejection as though it must remain a permanent part of us. We cannot always control what people do to us, but we can learn how to process what happened without allowing the pain to define who we become.
Forgiveness does not mean pretending that the offence never happened, and it certainly does not mean approving wickedness or allowing someone who has harmed you to continue harming you.
Forgiveness means choosing not to allow the offence to control your heart forever.
Hebrews 12:15 warns us:
“Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled.”
Notice the language Scripture uses: a root of bitterness. Roots are usually hidden.
You may not see them immediately, but if they remain in the ground long enough, they eventually produce something visible.
Bitterness can begin quietly, perhaps with a single offence, but if it is continually watered with resentment, anger, pride, and memories of what someone did, it can eventually affect the way we speak, the way we relate with people, the way we interpret innocent actions, and even the way we receive love.
People will disappoint us.
Some wounds will be deep.
Some betrayals will leave scars.
Some apologies may never come.
But we must still learn to release people from the debt we have decided they owe us.
Ephesians 4:31–32 says:
“Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.”»
The cross reminds us of something uncomfortable but beautiful: we are forgiven people, and forgiven people are called to become forgiving people.
Boundaries Are Biblical—Bitterness Is Not
There is an important distinction that must be made here because forgiveness is sometimes misunderstood.
- Forgiving someone does not mean giving them unlimited access to your life.
- You can forgive someone and still maintain boundaries.
- You can release someone from bitterness without trusting them immediately.
- You can love someone without allowing them to repeatedly abuse, manipulate, disrespect, or take advantage of you.
Forgiveness does not require you to make everyone your friend, and choosing peace does not mean you must treat everyone as an enemy. Sometimes wisdom means knowing who to love from a healthy distance and understanding that not every relationship needs to be restored to its former level of closeness.
Jesus Himself loved people deeply, yet Scripture tells us that He did not entrust Himself to everyone because He knew what was in people (John 2:24–25).
There is wisdom in boundaries.
There is wisdom in discernment.
There is wisdom in knowing when to step away from unhealthy relationships.
But there is also a difference between guarding your heart and hardening your heart.
One can be wisdom. The other can become bondage.
Do not allow someone's wrongdoing to turn you into someone who can no longer love.
Do not allow betrayal to convince you that everybody is untrustworthy.
Do not allow one painful relationship to make you reject every meaningful relationship God may bring into your life.
Your boundaries should protect your heart, not bury it.
Pray for People While There Is Still Time
Sometimes someone unexpectedly comes to your mind, and you may not understand why. Instead of immediately dismissing the thought, pray, perhaps God is reminding you of someone who needs encouragement.
Maybe someone is going through a battle you know nothing about, or someone needs to hear that they are loved.
Perhaps someone is lonely.
Perhaps someone needs help.
Sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is simply pick up your phone and send a message that says, “I was thinking about you. How are you doing?”
Call them.
Visit them if you can.
Pray for them.
Send an encouraging message.
Do not underestimate the power of small acts of kindness.
James 5:16 says:
“The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.”»
We may never fully understand how God uses our prayers, encouragement, kindness, and presence in the lives of other people, but we should not wait until someone is lying in a coffin before we begin demonstrating the love we could have shown while they were alive.
Appreciate People While They Are Alive
One of the saddest things about death is the number of beautiful words that are spoken when the person can no longer hear them.
At funerals, people suddenly remember how kind someone was.
They remember their generosity, their wisdom, their laughter and how much the person helped them.
They write long tributes, post photographs, tell stories, and say “We will miss you.”
And while those words may bring comfort to the family, I often wonder how many of those beautiful things were ever said directly to the person while they were alive.
Why do we wait? postpone appreciation?or maybe assume people already know how much we value them?
Tell your parents that you love them.
Appreciate your spouse.
Thank your pastor.
Encourage your friends.
Celebrate your siblings.
Tell your children that they matter.
Thank the person who has stood by you during difficult seasons.
Romans 12:10 says:
“Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another.”
Gratitude should not be reserved for memorial services.
Appreciation should be part of everyday living.
If someone has been a blessing to you, tell them while they can still hear you.
If someone has helped you, thank them.
If someone has encouraged you, acknowledge them.
If someone has loved you well, do not assume they already know.
Say it. Show it. Live it.
Death Has a Way of Correcting Our Priorities
Death has a strange way of rearranging our priorities. When someone dies, arguments suddenly seem smaller, pride loses its attractiveness and old grudges begin to look foolish.
The things we were too angry to forgive suddenly appear insignificant.
The person who insisted on being right is no longer here to continue the argument.
The person who refused to speak to someone may never have another opportunity to speak.
And the people left behind are forced to live with the reality that tomorrow was never guaranteed.
Psalm 39:4 says:
“Lord, make me to know mine end, and the measure of my days, that I may know how frail I am.”
We do not know the measure of our days.
We know the date we were born, but none of us knows the date written beside the end of our earthly journey.
That should not make us live in fear but it should make us live wisely.
Life is fragile.
Tomorrow is not guaranteed.
That is why today matters.
Choose Love Today
If there is someone you need to forgive, begin the process of forgiveness.
If there is someone you need to call, make the call.
If there is someone God has placed on your heart, pray for them.
If there is someone you appreciate, tell them today.
If you have been holding back an apology because of pride, consider whether being right is worth losing the relationship.
If there is someone you have been avoiding because of an old disagreement, ask yourself whether the disagreement is still worth the distance it has created.
Do not postpone kindness, delay reconciliation unnecessarily or assume there will always be another opportunity.
Jesus said
“By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.” — John 13:35 (KJV)»
Love is not merely something we feel.
Love is something we demonstrate.
Love checks on people. Love forgives. Love serves.
Love sacrifices. Love listens. Love encourages. Love shows up.
Love does not wait until someone dies before it begins speaking.
We Are All Going to Need Someone Someday
Love does not wait until someone dies before it begins speaking.
Perhaps one of the most uncomfortable lessons from this story is that none of us is completely self-sufficient.
There may come a day when you need someone to help you get back on your feet.
There may come a day when you cannot carry yourself.
There may come a day when you need someone to notice your absence.
There may come a day when you need someone to answer the phone.
There may come a day when you need someone to pray for you.
There may come a day when you need someone to come running.
And when that day comes, the relationships you have intentionally built may become more valuable than all the things you spent your life accumulating.
This is why we must not take people for granted.
The neighbour you ignore may someday be the person who helps you.
The friend you stopped talking to may be the person who would have stood beside you.
The family member you have been avoiding may be someone you desperately wish you had reconciled with.
Life is too short to spend it unnecessarily building walls.
Final Thoughts
Death silently teaches lessons that many living people ignore. It reminds us that life is brief, relationships are precious, forgiveness brings freedom, and gratitude should never be delayed.
The death of this man has made me think deeply about the way we live, the people we push away, the grudges we carry, the apologies we postpone, the appreciation we withhold, and the relationships we assume will always be there.
None of us knows which conversation will be our last.
None of us knows whether the person we saw yesterday will still be alive tomorrow.
That is not a reason to become afraid of life.
It is a reason to live it intentionally. May we never become so wounded that we stop loving.
May we never become so bitter that we stop forgiving.
May we never become so busy that we neglect the people God has placed around us.
May we never allow pride to become more important than reconciliation.
May we never wait until a funeral before expressing gratitude.
As long as God gives us another day, let us choose to forgive quickly, love deeply, pray faithfully, serve sincerely, and appreciate people while we still have the opportunity.
Let us use it well.
Prayer
Heavenly Father, Thank You for the gift of life and for the people You have placed around us. Lord, search our hearts and remove every root of bitterness, pride, resentment, anger, and unforgiveness that is hidden in our hearts and help us to love as Christ loves, to forgive as You have forgiven us, and to appreciate people while we still have the opportunity to do so.
Help us to build relationships that honour You, to be people who show up when others need us, to pray for those You place on our hearts, and to become a source of encouragement and comfort to the people around us. In Jesus' name,
Amen.
